Gant's Guide: A Quarantine Update.
Hello there. I’m Gant. My mom decided I should “pull my weight around here” and “write for her blog”. Doesn’t she know I have paws? I can’t write! I can lick them, but can’t type for anything.
Anyway, she says “my adoring fans” want to know how I am doing during this time in quarantine. Who are these “fans” she’s talking about? The fan that mom uses in her office that keeps turning on and off by itself? That thing is possessed.
Well, I don’t know what day it is. Everyday is the same. Here is my schedule. Times are approximate. Again, I don’t know what this “time is”, so mom put them in for me.
7:30 am – Dad is up. He’s laying there, so I get out from the layers of blanket, and lick his face. I always lick a certain spot, because the more I lick the more grey that spot becomes. HAHAHA!
Then, after I lick and lick, Dad takes me out on a short walk. I poop, pee on my favorite tree, and come back in 5 minutes flat. It’s chilly outside and I want to go back to my warm spot I left on the bed.
9:30 am – Ahhh…time to get up. I’ve been laying so close to mom that she’s practically off the bed. Hey, I gotta keep warm somehow. Time to whine and whine until I get food.
2 minutes later – THIS ISN’T FOOD! What is this “dry substance”? I see you mom and dad, eating something better. Ok, let me get my begging face on. Begging…getting nothing. Ok, let me make my eyes wider. Nothing. Time to get the big guns out and put my paws on dad’s legs. Alright I got something. Wait, what is this? Lettuce?! I am SPITTING THIS OUT! Where is my cheese?!
10:30 – 2:00 pm – Look pathetic. Switch it up – sit under my mom’s legs while she’s working or lay down on the new rug in the dining room. Cause you know they picked it just for me. Beg for lunch. Get “dry substance” again. Guess I got to put on my pathetic face.
2:00 pm – Finally, a time for a walk. Now, where’s that dead animal scent I found? Oh, riiiight here. Oh I feel my mom tugging on the leash. Nah Nah Nah you can’t move me!
2:00 – 6:00 pm – Dream of rolling dead animal scent. Beg for treat. Oh good, she gave me my favorite. Whine for Dad. Oh wait! DELIVERY TRUCK! DELIVERY TRUCK! BARK BARK BARK! Run at door as fast as I can. Why won’t it open?! BARK BARK BARK! More LOUD NOISES! I’m here to the rescue! PHEW! I saved us! Why are mom and dad telling to stop? I am A HERO!
6:00 pm. No wait. 5:40 pm. I may not know time but I know when it’s dinner time. Why AREN’T THEY FEEDING ME? What is this about “20 minutes to go?!” I will stand my ground. (6:00 pm comes around). Yes, that’s right. GIVE ME MY MEAL!
7:30 pm – What? They have to take me out again? I’m SLEEPING! Ok, fine. Why are they so excited to go on a walk now? I’ll show them (mom note – because it’s COOL outside)! *Parents put on sneakers, leash, and play music for a nice romantic walk. JUST KIDDING. Dog pees on pole and comes in 30 seconds later*
7:31 pm – bedtime. What a day. Time to put my stinky self on their nice clean couch. HA! Goodnight. I am exhausted. Now go away. I need my beauty sleep.