I’m going to be honest with you. The last two weeks have been incredibly stressful, energy sucking, and full of anxiety. Everyday the number of cases go higher and higher, making it increasingly clear that seeing family or friends, whether local or out of state, is nearly impossible.

Even my dog has changed. Like most dogs, he is happy we are both home 90% of the time, but that means more time inside and not at the dog park, where we used to go a few mornings a week. He doesn’t like walking, especially in the Summer humidity, and six years later he still doesn’t understand the concept of fetch. Throw it once and he runs under the bed, making it not only his favorite spot to cool off, but a haven for his tennis balls.

Now he sulks near my desk, or under the dining room table, wishing we were running on a large field. We try to play with him, but he gives up after a throw or two. I am going to have to find a really remote, uncrowded place for him, so he can let out his pent up energy he could easily get rid of months ago.

One thing that has been great is my business. Masks have really given it life. Pun intended. Back in March, I remember getting mother’s sewing machine, which I talked about in this post, then breaking a couple weeks later, then talking to my neighbor who generously gave me her brand new one, and learning how to make face masks. But I have been making them since March, and frankly, I am exhausted. I am like a machine – cut the fabric to size, sew, iron, sew, pull the elastic, start over. However, people who love them, and their glowing reviews keep me wanting to make more. Because wearing a mask SAVES LIVES. So if I can be a part of the solution, I’ll gladly keep making them.

And slowly but surely, we have gone out to restaurants. Only ones we REALLY have been wanting to go to, where we know a lot of crowds won’t be, where there’s ample spaces between tables, and a good martini is served. But even entering a restaurant causes so much anxiety. A few nights ago, we went out to a restaurant we have been dying to try. It was as safe as it could be – there were temperature checks, face masks everywhere, and everything was wiped down constantly as we walked to our table. But as soon as I sat down, my anxiety flared up, and my back was in so much pain until we left the restaurant. And we had one of the best outings in a long time. I keep asking myself, will it always be like this?

Disney World is opening up in a few days. The place that we went to three days a week and proudly wore our Mickey Mouse ears will now be a place we avoid for the foreseeable future. One of the main reasons we moved where we did. And once that opens up, how many cases will increase here? Not even the happiest place on earth can make that go away.

My partner, Eric, is playing classical music on the piano as I write this. It’s like a mini concert. Reminds me of when we used to go to the Yale concert hall in Connecticut and hear students play their violins, cellos, clarinets, and other instruments with such gusto you’d think you’re at a Boston Symphony.

This update isn’t meant to make you feel sorry for me, because there are plenty of others who need your time , sympathy, and donations. It’s to let you know that if you’re feeling a kinds of emotions, you’re not alone. And make sure you hug your dog or give them extra cuddles, because they will never judge you, especially in these times that feel hopeless. And make sure you’re talking to someone, whether that’s a friend or family member, or a counselor, because we’re only going to get through this by being there for one another. AND WEARING MASKS.

1 Comment

  1. A true sentiment of how most of us are feeling. Thank you for putting it so eloquently!

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